Hi. Its me.
How are you doing?
I don’t quite know why I thought I should write, but…. I felt the need to vent. Its been awhile… and, I just wanted to take a step back, reevaluate life, ya know?
7 months ago, I thought I’d start writing. Seek guidance, just… try and figure out who I am. I was… intrigued by the notion of BDSM. But… I didn’t quite know then what attracted me to it.
So what about BDSM attracts me, you ask?
To be honest… it’s knowing where I stand (or knee) in a relationship, and being able to have someone steady… someone stronger then me physically, emotionally and perhaps even intellectually, in charge. Taking the lead, and the key to my freedom.
The idea of violence intrigues me, not necessarily the actual act. You kow what they say- the anticipation of pain is worse then the pain itself… and I like the thought.
I don’t know who I am, or what my purpose in life is, should I even have a purpose. But, Buddha once said that “Your purpose in life is to find your purpose” so maybe I am serving that purpose seamlessly.
I DO know that I am someone who enjoyed taking the role of being domestically and sexually submissive.
Am I a slave? A babygirl? Or… just a sub in the bedroom?
I still have no clue. And I’m learning that not knowing is completely acceptable. Not being certain of anything is OKAY.
I do know that I like the feel of chest hair scraping my nipples, wax play sounds HOT (pun intended), and the idea of a good flogging is downright appealing. Handcuffs? Pretty please.
Of course, I don’t know about caning, whipping, electricity, suspension, needle-play (yikes), knife play (mm… maybe), and all those other scary/cool stuff. But like I said. The nitty-gritties will come later.
I guess this is where I apologize to you for being so small minded, for my ignorance is still all I know.
I apologize for being to quick to judge, for being small minded, because me 7 months ago would have said heyll naw to the things on my “yes/maybe” list.
This is me trying. This is me learning.
So thank you for reading dear stranger.
Thank you for understanding