its been a while… And… I don’t know what to say. Life has been a roller-coaster of business.. and… I’m tired and exhausted.
I don’t even know.
I think I’m going through the identity crisis.
HMM… where to start.
I’ve gone into little space once… And… it was so… relaxing. And… just completely comforting. That was in November and I haven’t gone into it since. In a world that is sorta based on power exchange, It’s hard to slip into a submissive role when you still have those responsibilities taking care of yourself. I can’t completely let go of control without anyone to give it to… if that makes sense. It’s hard to explain…
But… what if I’m not a little? What if all I am is just a vanilla gal with kinky fantasies? What if all this was just… made up?
To be honest… a part of me hopes this was all just in my head.Maybe it is.
It would just make things so much less complicated and intricate…
I feel as if I need “complicated and intricate.”
why is this so damn tough?? a part of me is convinced this is all in my head. that all I learnt about myself in this “journey to what kink I am” I just constructed in my head and made up because I’m a crazy ass bitc*.
I need a glass of wine.
But yeah. I’m so damn confused…
which is also why a part of me wants it to be a made up thing. Because I’m tired of being confused. I’m tired of not knowing where I fit in. Cos… I don’t know if I’m vanilla. I don’t know if I’m…not… I just don’t know.
a Little Lost.
It’s a big world. and… I don’t quite see where the littles fit in yet…