Its complicated

2016/December/Friday

(Warning!  This post is one huge pile of verbal dearhoea.   The good kind.  I think.  I hope) 

its complicated.

It always is.

Emotions are like that- they are messy, and opaque, nothing like the clear glass you wish they were.

And… they’re not the kind of thing that can be viewed under a magnifying glass… Because… the moment you think you can see them clearly, they slip away and change.

Lately… I’ve just felt.. caged. Trapped by the bars of my emotions, and no matter how hard I struggle to push past them… its still there. A lump in my throat.

On the bright side I’ve overcome one of the bigger obstacles- figuring which identity I well… Identify as in the BDSM comunity. Well… I think I sorta have it figured out.

I’m a baby girl =D And I’m a bit of a brat. And a pet. And primal. And submissive (duh).

And a whole lot of other things I don’t understand whack about according to: bdsmtest.org

But, despite that, despite the utter elation of finally being able to comprehend, I guess, all these small traits and quirks I’ve had.. Theres still this heaviness.

Because I’m no less the stray I was a year ago. No less the dd/bg (or dd/lg) orphan I have been for so long.

I’m a pouty princess whose not allowed to be pouty because I’m adulting 24/7 and that makes me even more pouty.. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

I just want to slip away from people and life and… watch stupid things like Barbie and Dragon Tails and Paw Patrol and… Winnie the Poh (don’t judge- he ish me honey bewar). I want to drink out of a sippy cup, I don’t want to be a responsible adult that makes wise decisions, cause I’ve had to be that responsible adult since my early teens. I want to be reckless and not to worry about the repurcussions of my irresponsibilty. I want to waste a gigabyte of my internet bundle on My Little Pony and NOT worry about the research I need to do tomorrow.

Because using 1 GB is irresponsible. And expensive. And I am broke.

Fudge my life.

No seriously. SOmebody make me fudge cos I wanna eat fudge but I don’t like the store kind and I’m too lazy to make fudge myself. And buying fudge would be bucks out of my pocket and I’m living paycheck to paycheck.

And I hate bras. Which is random but relevant.

They’re a medieval torture device designed to suppress your womenly bits’ right to freedom.

Humph.

I bet they were invented by men 😂😂😂😂😂

CANT.  BREATH.

On a more serious note,  I wish I had one of those soft,  lady-like laughs  because sounding like a dying seal humping a rabid cat is SUCH a turn on.

Lol

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